Grandparents Apart UK
UK Wide
www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
‘Bringing Families Together’
* 0141 882 5658 *
Jimmy & Margaret Deuchars
Ten years experience
Scottish Charity No SC 031558
Non profit making.
Staffed by Volunteers
Reg, address 22 Alness Crescent,
Glasgow G52 1PJ
Introduction for inquirers
The Charter for Grandchildren, created by the Scottish Government and Grandparents Apart UK and others, was for guidance only, to accompany the Scottish Family Law Act (Scotland) 2006. This has not been as successful as everyone hoped and is largely being ignored by Social Services, courts, lawyers and professionals working in the welfare of children. This has arisen because of the attitude of Social Services when grandparents dare to comment on how their grandchildren are treated. Social Service’s reaction is to cut them off as uncooperative and remind them that they are irrelevant persons and don’t need to be kept informed.
Our request now is to have the ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ made mandatory for professionals all over the UK in order that children cannot be denied the love and protection that their grandparents can offer. Cross party MSPs, wide ranging family groups and representatives of various authorities support the ‘Charter for Grandchildren’,
In the ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ the children have the rights for grandparents to be a major player in their lives or an explanation why not.
We believe the parents should have equal parental rights and responsibilities for their own children and grandparents a very close second to the parents. Especially in early detection of abuse and offering emotional security and stability in crisis situations until the family situation is possibly resolved.
We don’t think for a minute that all grandparents or parents are perfect. Living in a family can be hard work, families fall out but most are adult enough not to use the children in their arguments. If you have a fall out, use ours or other services for mediation to stop a molehill becoming a mountain.
The check list below has been produced from our experiences, with the best interests of the children in mind, because it is them who suffer most when adults argue.
Grandparents Apart UK
www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
Grandparents are irrelevant persons by law in
their grandchildren’s lives. With your help
We can change that.
A Scottish Registered Charity SC 031558. Not for profit volunteer organisation operating UK wide. Every penny goes to the cause. So please join so we can continue to help you and children.
Membership and or Donation form
Membership £10.00p………… Donation……………….
Cheques and postal orders made out to.
G.A.P. UK 22 Alness Crescent, Glasgow, G52 1PJ
Name:………………………………………………………….
Address……………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………
……………………………………..P.Code…………………
Telephone……………………………………………………
Email………………………………………………………….
( for regular updates).
My Gran And Granda
A true story.
‘It is ages since I saw them and I love granda to play football or cricket with me. Staying the week-end with them is magic! Gran always bakes special cakes for me. I really miss them both. When I ask daddy where they are and why we don’t see them anymore, he just says “that’s the way it is”.
The last time they were round there was a big argument and a lot of crying. I think they have fallen out.
When I fall out with my friends, my mum always says “try to make up again – nothing is ever that bad” and we usually do. Maybe I should say that to mum and dad about gran and granda? What has happened that is so terrible?
When Saturday came round and with my pocket money I slipped out of the house and tried to find my gran and granda. I got on a bus at the bottom of the road. When I arrived at the town centre I was completely lost but a policeman spotted me and asked me who I was with. I told him who I was looking for but he asked me my phone number and called my mum and dad.
I thought they would angry with me, but they were only too happy that i was alright. “I was trying to find my gran and granda I cried, to tell them I was sorry if it was my fault that you have fallen out,” At this my mum burst into tears.
When they got home, mum and dad promised they would sort out the problems and make up.
Sunday came and there was a knock on the door. There stood gran and granda. I was amazed. “Well, are you not going to let us in?” said gran.
I ran into their arms and mum and dad joined them with tears all round. “We will have a great holiday now after all.” he thought.
Letter to your member of Parliament.
Delete address not required.
Dear……………………………………………………………..
The Scottish Parliament Edinburgh EH99 1SP
House of Commons London Government SW1A 0AA.
Welsh Assembly Cathays Park Cardiff CF10 3NQ
Northern Ireland Office, Stormont Estate , Belfast BT4 3SG
I have contacted Grandparents Apart UK for support regarding losing contact with our grandchildren.
With their ten years of experiences and what my grandchildren and I are suffering I feel justified in supporting this proposal and would be obliged if you would make it an issue in parliament. I believe a Government created this Charter and therefore they should ensure its effectiveness.
The Proposal:-
We therefore propose that ‘The Charter for Grandchildren’ ‘ The role grandparent can play in their grandchildren’s lives’ should be made Mandatory for Professionals dealing with children thereby ensuring in the absence of one or both parents that the love and protective role grandparents can play in their lives is not wasted as is the case at present because grandparents are regarded as irrelevant persons and scarcely considered in practice.…
Being mandatory for professionals would mean
the children have the right to expect the best from their grandparents or an explanation why not.
This is not affecting parent’s rights. If the governments were to adopt this as an example it would send a message of encouragement to families that grandparents can be a huge asset in the family and it could be worthwhile attending mediation or family education focusing on the best interests of the children.
Grandparents Apart UK have been counseling grandparents for years on how to be a successful and helpful grandparent and have been brought hundreds of families together again.
We can bring it to the notice of the government but it needs you the constituent to back it up.
I understand this statement will be treated as completely-confidential.
I look forward to your reply.
Name………………………………………………………
Address…………………………………………………..
Town………………………………………………………
Post code………………………………………………..
Phone number………………………………………….
E-mail…………………………………………………….
(If you have one)
Signature………………………………………………..
Issued by Grandparents Apart UK, 22 Alness crescent,Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658 http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
Jimmy Deuchars
Letter to your local councilor at your Town Hall
Dear…………………………………………………………………
Address…………………………………………………………….
………………………………………………………………………
………………………………………………………………………
I have contacted Grandparents Apart UK for support regarding losing contact with our grandchildren.
The Proposal:-
We therefore propose that ‘The Charter for Grandchildren’ ‘ The role grandparent can play in their grandchildren’s lives’ should be made Mandatory for Professionals like social services dealing with children thereby ensuring in the absence of one or both parents that the love and protective role grandparents can play in their lives is not wasted as is the case at present because grandparents are regarded as irrelevant persons and scarcely considered in practice.…
Being mandatory for professionals would mean the children have the right to expect the best from their grandparents or an explanation to the contrary..
This does not affect parent’s rights. If the councils were to adopt this as an example it would send a message of encouragement to families that grandparents can be a huge asset in the family and that it could be worthwhile attending mediation or family education focusing on the best interests of the children.
Grandparents Apart UK have been counseling grandparents for years on how to be a successful and helpful grandparent and hav brought hundreds of families together again.
We can bring it to the notice of the government but it needs you the constituent to back it up.
I understand this statement will be treated as completely-confidential.
I look forward to your reply.
Name………………………………………………………
Address…………………………………………………..
Town………………………………………………………
Post code………………………………………………..
Phone number………………………………………….
E-mail…………………………………………………….
(If you have one)
Signature………………………………………………..
Issued by Grandparents Apart UK, 22 Alness crescent,Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658 http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
The Charter for Grandchildren.
It is important that parents, grandparents and other family members,
speak to, and treat each other, with respect. You may not get on, but
you can still be civil, for the sake of the children. Try to avoid arguing
with or criticising family members in front of the children. It can be
very upsetting for them.
On occasions professional organisations such as social work
departments or the courts can become involved and may have to
make decisions that will have a lasting impact throughout a child’s
entire life. In these circumstances it is vital that the loving and
supportive role that the wider family, in particular grandparents can
play is respected and protected for the child…
FAMILIES ARE IMPORTANT TO CHILDREN
Grandchildren can expect:
• To be involved with and helped to understand decisions made about their lives.
• To be treated fairly
• To know and maintain contact with their family (except in very exceptional circumstances) and other people who are important to them.
• To know that their grandparents still love them, even if they are not able to see them at the present time.
• To know their family history.
• The adults in their lives to put their needs first and to protect them from disputes between adults - not to use them as weapons in quarrels between adults.
• Social workers, when making assessments about their lives, to take into account the loving and supporting role grandparents can play in their lives.
• The Courts, when making decisions about their lives, to take into account the loving and supporting role grandparents can play in their lives.
• Lawyers and other advisers to encourage relationship counselling or mediation when adults seek advice on matters affecting them and their children.
One of the most common points that comes up is
That grandparents are full of confidence in
bringing up a family and quite rightly so. The
confidence they have can sometimes come
across as patronising. Have a wee think in case
that’s you and if you could ease the situation.
Grandparents,
STOP AND THINK
1) Learn to bite your tongue. It’s their way, it may not be yours.
2) Don’t dominate, suggest. Be prepared to accept no.
3) Remember the children are the responsibility of their parents.
4) You raised your family your way, let them do it their way.
5) Let the parents build up their own confidence.
6) Be friendly, you don’t have to love or like somebody to be civil.
7) If able, be prepared to help when asked, step back when not.
8) If you are estranged, try writing to the parents.
Stress that it is the whole family you would like to see, not just the children. The adults can feel left out, so befriend her or him especially. Be prepared to ‘give’ a lot if you want to get back into your grandchildren’s lives.
9) Find out about Mediation is in your area. Be prepared to attend.
10) The situation can be delicate, never lose your temper. Be prepared to accept you can be wrong - agree to disagree.
THINK OF THE CHILDREN
Parents
Have you - fallen out with your parents or in-laws?
Have you - refused your children the right to see or visit their
Gran or Granda?
Have you - dug your heels in with all that “Power” over
everyone and feeling good?
Do you - “Alienate” (brainwash) your children and say “ it is
the children themselves that don’t want them”?
Do you - use your children as weapons to win an argument
against the Grandparents?
Do you - wonder why, as your children get older, how
Disrespectful they are becoming?
Do you - know Nursery and Primary school children talk
about their Grandparents as part of their education?
Are yours the odd ones out having nothing to say?
Do you - hate the Grandparents so much that you are willing
to put your own children through this education of
lies and deceit?
Do you - know all this is a form of child “Abuse”? Are you
guilty?
Give your children a better chance.
0141 882 5658
Children should not be shunted about to different strangers when family members are available.
The reason for our campaign is because grandparents are regarded in law as irrelevant persons in their grandchildren’s lives, and it can happen to you. You can be cut out of your grandchildren’s lives at a whim because of family problems, fall outs or bereavement. Being cut out of your grandchildren’s lives happens all too easily and our authorities too often hinder, rather than help support families. Evidence shows our children benefit from the support of their family members. They must be allowed that support.
In our personal case we regained contact and consider ourselves very fortunate but cannot forget the devastation we and our grandchildren went through. This is why we set up this group to offer support and guidance to others which was not available when we needed it.
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
http://www.blogger.com/home?pli=1
http://grandparentsapart.freeforums.org/test-forum-1-f2.html?sid=33b343f522c448dcb5ab8cb24e44d500
The present Governments are splitting our Family
The interpretation of British family law is dividing families and causing more and more children to seek that belonging feeling from street gangs which can be the University of Crime.
This biased interpretation that one parent gets custody of the children with the full weight of the law behind them. The other parent and grandparents are unjustly cut out of the children’s lives which leaves children wondering what they have done and why their dad/mother/grandparents are not coming to see them anymore.
Banning orders are very easily obtained and when the absent parent or grandparents do get contact orders they are being flouted by a defiant parent who’s attitude is that to enforce the order will have a bad effect on the children.. It is understandable why judges shy away from awarding contact orders for when flouting of their order comes back to their court the flouting parent is laughing up their sleeves, knowing they are getting away with it.
The governments are failing to address this problem of keeping families together and they alone are responsible for the rise in crime from street gangs which we all know are causing havoc throughout our cities. Older folk are afraid to open their door or go out at night. You drive your children to clubs and parties for fear that they will fall foul of these gangs. The streets are just not safe anymore.
We need a government that makes “Bringing Families Together” (Our Motto) to be ‘Top Of The Pops’ and to create policies that encourage families to have two parents and the extended family in bringing up children.
Mr David Cameron, Leader of the Opposition. 19th Oct 2009
A couple of weeks ago on early morning radio I heard Caroline Spellman outline the Conservatives plan for the family should you become elected. This morning I heard you stating that you hope and expect your ministers to build on achievements already gained from charities etc. rather than have a complete sweep, losing any information that is already there.
We are very much impressed by this positive move toward family unity and would like to be a part of this, building on our previous work.
Representatives of our group have attended meetings in relation to Iain Duncan Smith’s Centre for Social Justice research and we have taken part in the workshop with his Breakthrough Britain Program.
We are a support group that supports grandparents who are denied contact with their grandchildren and our approach is building bridges within families and encouraging families to work together for the sake of the children involved as they are always the innocent victims of adult behaviour. We very much support traditional family values and believe much work is needed to rebuild the erosion of the family unit, with education in parenting and compromise as priorities. We have been working in this field for ten years now and have a varied case load with a good success rate in regaining or maintaining contact within families.
On instigation from your office we have met with Bill Aitken MSP the Scottish Shadow Justice Minister who was very impressed with our proposal for the family.
Further meetings with the Scottish Children’s Minister Liz Smith MSP and Annabell Goldie MSP the Conservative leader are planned which I’m sure the outcome will be passed on to you for consideration for England.
Jimmy Deuchars. (Grandparents Apart UK)
Dear Mr Deuchars
Thank you for your email addressed to Nick Bourne AM which raises many valid points. Nick has asked me to reply on his behalf and I enclose an extract from David Cameron's speech to the Conservative Party Conference this year which emphasises his intent to support the family should we win the next General Election. Grandparents obviously have a vital role in this.
"You know the best welfare system of all, it's called the family. If you think about it, what's the best organisation at bringing up children, at helping us with the right values, helping us get on with life, looking after us if we are sick of disabled, caring for the elderly, it's the family.
And in this world of unease as well as freedom we need to do more to support the family, and again the old politics are failing. Look at Britain today: one in four children brought up with an absent father, the highest rate of family breakdown in Europe, and I just don't believe we can walk on by from the evidence that's in front of us.
Children from broken homes have a 70 % chance of failing at school, a 40% greater chance of getting into debt, a 35% chance of being unemployed. Single mums do a brilliant job, they do the most difficult job in the world but, I don't think we can ignore the state of family breakdown in Britain and I think we have to try and do something about it.
You know there is a phenomenon in Britain that's called LATs - that's Living Apart Together and there are two million people who pretend to live apart because the benefits system pays you more to live apart than live together.
I think at the next election we will be able to offer people the strongest family package any Party has put together. Yes we will recognise marriage in the tax system, yes we will take the couples penalty out of the tax system and yes we will give people more time, more flexibility, so we can be the Party of the family once again."
Paul Morris
Office of the Leader of the Opposition
National Assembly for Wales
02920 898311
What needs to change for our children’s best interest?
1…Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think
the best interests of a child starts with Equal parenting
when there is no factually proven reason not to.
2....‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for
Professionals working in Children’s welfare.
3…Social services Children are human beings. Stop treating
them as Commodities like a business deal
4.....If adopted, where appropriate, child contact maintained
with birth family in line with article 8 of the UN
Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only be
stopped in the worst case scenario)
5 ...Kinship care before strangers to be the first choice.
6. ..All below accountable to law.
(a)--..False accusations. (b)-..Erroneous reporting by
social workers. (c)…Flouting of court orders (d) Social
Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”, when children are
failed
7…Proper recording of all social work meetings and
discussions E.g. Dual tape recording similar to police
proceedings (to prevent and combat section 6 b+d)
8….More “transparency” and especially “accountability”
for Social work and their managers
9….Specialised training for social workers in the best
interests of children. (Only the most highly experienced
social workers to deal in child protection)
10…. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.
Grandparents/Grandchildren.
Do you know you there are no legal rights between you?
The majority of grandparents think separation from their grandchildren could never happen to them. In our case a bereavement that could never have been predicted was a devastating shock to us. To find out their was no legal rights between us and our grandchildren or have contact with., or to stop them being taken away after them bonding with us from birth. The separation was like bereavement.
When parents separate or one dies you have no control over seeing your grandchildren if the remaining parent wants to move on. Often for a while you still see the kids then, when a new partner comes on the scene, you are told they want to be a family and you are not included.
Losing contact with your grandchildren is devastating. It can give way to thoughts of suicide, despair, deep depression and lack of concentration, perhaps resulting in falls or accidents in the home.
Loneliness and separation for grandparents and people of all ages are the main cause of 82% of real and psychosomatic illnesses (Prof Peter K Smith of Goldsmith College Oxford).
Despair, depression and lack of concentration too often lead to accidents at work and work hours are lost to industry and commerce because of family problems when the administration of our law is flawed and the approach to family problems unfair. We have offered the government a counselling service to help reduce accidents at work and mental health for older people.
Now most importantly, we come to the devastation to the children. When a child has been living in a family unit and has close relationships with family members you see the fear in their eyes as they are dragged away not understanding what is happening to them or why.
This trauma of being torn away or deprived of stability and love affects children for the rest of their lives. The worst thing that can happen to a child is the abrupt loss of someone close like a parent or grandparents. It feels like bereavement to them too.
If a child is taken into and living in care is in danger of becoming a non-achiever in life and finds comfort in gangs to make up for losing out in family closeness.
Will you please help us ask the governments to listen to the pleas of the people who are affected by this and send to your member of parliament the leaflet we have supplied. We can bring it to the governments notice but it needs you the constituent to back it up.
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